


this is not very dj got us fallin in love again by usher :/

by LycanCoffee



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, That isn't plot relevant it's just how it is man, Trans Male Character, Trans Oma Kokichi, Trans Saihara Shuichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LycanCoffee/pseuds/LycanCoffee
Summary: The car ride following was tense.The world around them was eery, silent- darkness smeared with neon as they passed light-up signs and stop lights.Shuichi fixed his eyes entirely on the road ahead of him, trying and failing miserably to not stew in his own thoughts."Y'know," Ouma started, breaking the silence, "It's my business if I want to make out with a random dude at a party.""Yeah. Yeah, of course," he responded flatly.-Shuichi sees something he would rather not have but it's fine. It's Fine.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	this is not very dj got us fallin in love again by usher :/

**Author's Note:**

> me: I have a very clear idea of the scenes I'm about to write
> 
> this fic: guess again bitch
> 
> Seriously this got away from me so fast.   
> If ur worried about that kind of thing it has a happy ending don't worry 
> 
> Quote from the top of my word document: 
> 
> "I'm sorry this is stupid but my brain is stuck on it so if I don't write it I'll die   
> This shit is also sappy as hell. Who am I. Why was I born"
> 
> So look forward to that ig

Shuichi slowed to a stop and scanned the area. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark. The driveway was jammed with cars, with others lining the street besides. He checked and double-checked the address, just in case, then sighed. The things he did for Kokichi. 

After he managed an okay (if painful) parallel parking job, he walked up the driveway to the front door. The music pulsing inside could be heard from the front yard, though it was muffled. He hesitated on the doorstep for a minute, living in that uncomfortable gray area when you can still turn away but you know you shouldn't.

He made up his mind and knocked on the door. He had barely pulled his fist away before it swung open. A girl was leaning in the doorway, blinking at him fuzzily. The house was dark and noisy behind her. 

She moved aside a little so he could come through. It took him a minute to realize that he was being let in. She didn't say anything, just giggled at him as he shyly ducked into the room. 

He looked quickly around, but saw no sign of Kokichi. Even in the dim lighting, it was easy enough for him to sort out the various figures scattered over the main floor.  _ Hm _ .

There was a pink-haired girl sitting on the armrest of a couch who didn't look too threatening, so he gingerly approached her. 

"Hi, um," he said, voice much softer than could probably be heard in the crowd. 

Despite this, the girl looked up right away and focused on him with alarming clarity. He must have stood out some, having obviously just come in from the cold, still in his coat and everything. He cleared his throat.

"Do you know where Ouma Kokichi is? He texted me to pick him up," he said, louder this time. Her expression held no sign of recognition. "He's this tall, has purple hair…" he explained, getting steadily more anxious.

Thankfully, understanding dawned on her. "Oh, I saw him go upstairs. I think he went into a bedroom? Third door on the left," she said, gesturing vaguely.

Shuichi nodded, a relieved smile coming to his face. He was lucky to have found her so quickly. 

He thanked her sincerely and headed up the stairs. He slid his hand along the wall as he walked through the hallway, tracing the wallpaper. Third door on the left, third door on the left…  _ this is it.  _ He turned the knob and pulled open the door.

…

…… 

... _ ah? _

It took a second for him to even comprehend what he saw. When it clicked, it knocked the air out of his lungs. 

There were two people on the bed. Kokichi and… someone, whose lap he was sitting on, and-  _ um. _

His entire face went red. A mushroom cloud of white hot shame unfolded in his chest. A million feelings swirled in his mind at once, spinning dizzily. He stood there, frozen, for longer than he probably should have. Ouma glanced up, and their eyes met. He shut the door.

He exhaled shudderingly. He turned around, walked a few places, then his back hit the wall and he slid to the ground.  _ Don't cry _ , he thought, covering his eyes.  _ Don't cry, shit, just- not here, please. Don't cry, don't cry. _

It was stupid. It was nothing,  _ especially _ nothing to cry over. He shuddered again, and a few tears bubbled out of the corners of his eyes. He wiped his eyes roughly, and pushed the feeling down. He tried to convince himself it was nothing even as he felt like he was falling off the face of the earth, dropping down into nothing. 

After a couple minutes the tears were gone and his skin felt dry and uncomfortably tight. He stayed as he was against the wall, waiting. He checked his phone. _ No messages.  _ He locked it, sighed, and waited some more.

The door knob twisted and he jumped, sitting bolt upright. Ouma emerged from the room, looking- blank. A little awkward, maybe? Shuichi couldn't get a good read on him, certainly not when he felt so high-strung.

"Ready to go?" Shuichi asked as evenly as he could. Ouma nodded. He pulled himself to stand and made a show of dusting himself off, giving himself time to force a calm disposition. "Alright," he said. 

They left the party.

-

The car ride following was tense.

The world around them was eery, silent- darkness smeared with neon as they passed light-up signs and stop lights. 

Shuichi fixed his eyes entirely on the road ahead of him, trying and failing miserably to not stew in his own thoughts. 

"Y'know," Ouma started, breaking the silence, "It's  _ my  _ business if I want to make out with a random dude at a party."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course," he responded flatly.

Ouma fidgeted next to him, and he couldn't help the sick satisfaction it gave him.

Another beat of silence. Ouma cleared his throat.

"Oh, so you're just homophobic then?" Ouma said.

"Ha ha. Very funny, Ouma."

"You don't  _ sound  _ like you think it's funny," he whined, quickly dissolving into crocodile tears. "Are you really getting so bored of me, Shuichi?" 

Shuichi's eye twitched. "Maybe you should tell better jokes," he grit out through clenched teeth.

There was a pause, and then-

"See, you're being weird."

"You're just seeing things."

Ouma huffed. "Yeah, right. Stop lying to me. I can see right through you."

Saihara laughed dryly. "Sure you can," he muttered.

Ouma narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me?"

"..."

Ouma fixed him with a suspicious look. "Why are you-"

"I'm not being weird!"

"What's your problem?!" Ouma yelled.

"Obviously I'm fine!" He said, voice rising even louder.

"Obviously not!" Ouma pulled at his hair in aggravation. "What did I do to you?!"

"Nothing! Nothing!" 

" _ Then why are you mad at me?" _

Shuichi turned sharply into a gas station and slammed the breaks.

"Gas." He said. He opened the door and left the car. 

-

It was a cold night. His breath came out in puffs of white air. The wind tugged at his clothing and hair, but wasn't harsh. It made him feel a little better. 

Filling the tank was a mission, at least. Something to do, with clear steps. He listened to the  _ glug glug glug _ and felt his anger fading, leaving just- 

Sadness.

He glanced at the car. Ouma was sitting inside, arms crossed, pouting, and looking… genuinely upset. Frustrated. Confused. 

Shuichi pushed his face into his hands and sighed. Fuck. Shit. He should not have done that. He  _ really  _ should not have done that. He let his feelings control him. Ouma might be a little shit sometimes but he didn't deserve that. He just- he wished-

His mind flashed back to what he saw when he opened the door, replaying again and again in sickening detail. Down to Ouma's little breathy laugh as he brushed his hair aside.

Maybe if he'd been  _ warned _ , somehow, it wouldn't hurt so much?

(It would. It really fucking would.)

He finished with his task and marched to the convenience store attached to the back of the gas station, resolving to make it up to him, somehow. 

-

He walked underneath the fluorescent lights, snatching a panta (Grape, disgusting. He had horrible taste in men.) and a box of cookies.

As he walked to the register, he passed a row of nicotine products, and paused in front of a pack of cigarettes. He felt his skin itch. Bad habits die hard.

_ No,  _ he thought.  _ Kaede will be disappointed.  _ He swallowed, only feeling even more strongly the tension and sadness that had been welling up inside.

_ Ouma will find out.  _ He reminded himself sternly. _ He'll always find out _ . 

He remembered almost a month after they'd become roommates, he found Ouma putting every cigarette he could find individually into the paper shredder Shuichi used for work. 

" _ Oops!" He said, smiling as he continued to force them into the shredder. "I'm so clumsy!" _

It had fucked up his shredder so bad he had to buy a new one. When he grumbled about this at Ouma, he laughed and said, _ "You can use all the money you'll save when you quit smoking!" _

After this, Kaede became endeared to Ouma. She'd been trying for years and he was the only one who managed to finally annoy Shuichi into actually cutting the habit. 

Remembering all this only made Shuichi feel more guilty. He turned around and got another box of cookies for Ouma, then headed straight for the register. 

-

He braced himself in the cold air, taking a deep breath before he entered the car.

"Hi," he said weakly.

Ouma didn't respond. It was his turn to be mad. 

He passed the bag of snacks over to Ouma. His eyes widened in surprise, face lighting up as he looked through his gift.

Ouma turned to say something to him, but upon seeing Shuichi's face he seemed to remember why he was mad, and his expression went blank again like shutters closing over a window. He turned away, leaving the bag as it was in his lap.

Shuichi drooped. It wasn't all that surprising but he still felt crestfallen. He started the car and went back on the road.

A couple minutes passed in silence.

"So," Shuichi said, somewhat awkwardly. "Who was he? He looked, uh," he wracked his brain for something nice to say. "...Cute."

Ouma snorted. "Please. He was a six at  _ best _ ."

"Oh?" Shuichi perked up a little despite himself.  _ I'm just happy he's talking again _ , he promised himself. 

"Yeah." Ouma focused on opening the bottle of panta, staring at the cap with a bored expression.

"Are you going to get in touch with him again?"

"Eh. He liked me, it was a party. I thought,  _ fuck it _ , y'know?" He took a sip from his drink.

Shuichi does not know. Shuichi's experience with romance goes about as far the six months he and Kaede tried dating in highschool before she realized she didn't like guys, and the two (2) dates he managed to get in college, which both ended in a resounding  _ yeah, I'm not really interested in dating right now  _ from the other party, despite later evidence to the contrary that would crush his self-esteem like an empty can of soda under a garbage truck.

"Mm." Shuichi nodded like,  _ oh yeah, I definitely go to parties and kiss strangers, because I'm just that spontaneous and cool.  _

Ouma laughed under his breath. "Yeah, you don't know. I forgot who I was talking to for a second."

Shuichi raised an eyebrow. "And who is that?"

"A fucking, angel of purity and innocence. 'No holding hands until marriage'," he said through a mouth full of cookies, rolling his eyes.

Shuichi's mouth flapped open and closed like a fish, heat rising to his cheeks "I- I'm not like that!" He said.

Ouma laughed, loud and real. His eyes twinkled delightedly. It made Shuichi's heart skip a beat. He felt so relieved he almost forgot why he'd ever been unhappy.

They were quiet for a moment, simply watching the road. It wasn't perfect, but the atmosphere was considerably lighter. 

"You called me Ouma earlier," Ouma said, breaking the silence. Shuichi stiffened.

"Oh? I guess I did," Shuichi responded. 

"Well, we've  _ only  _ been roommates for two years. Makes sense to keep it formal,  _ Saihara _ ," he said in an exaggerated tone of voice, raising his chin haughtily.

Shuichi laughed awkwardly. He let the silence stretch on, not sure what to say.

"...Are you gonna tell me what's up with you now?" 

Shuichi's heart leapt into his throat. "It's-it's complicated," he said, pointedly avoiding Kokichi's gaze. "It's not, um, it doesn't have anything to do with you."

"You weren't upset _earlier_ ," he said, tapping his fingers on the dashboard impatiently. "Either something else happened in the three hours I was gone or it's about me. Hell, you sounded normal in your texts, too. That would make it, what, half an hour? Forty minutes? For you to get upset about something, and in my experience it takes a lot for you to act like that, and try to hide it from me for some reason _,_ so it's gotta be something big-"

" _ Kokichi, please,"  _ Shuichi said, desperation drowning his voice. Kokichi froze and stared up at him. "Just- just. It's nothing. Please just leave it alone." His heartbeat had gotten louder and more frantic the longer Kokichi had been talking. He took a deep breath in a hopeless attempt to force himself to calm down. His hands were shaking around the wheel.

He could feel Kokichi's piercing eyes on him, but soon they shifted away. 

"...fine, but I'll figure it out eventually," he warned.

Kokichi wasn't one to let sleeping dogs lie. Once he got on the scent of something you could never shake him off. Shuichi kind of felt like concussing himself on the steering wheel so he didn't have to deal with this anymore.

"I know," he sighed.

-

They arrived at their apartment shortly after that, talking idly about nothing on their way up. 

He put his keys in the usual spot after locking the door, then shrugged off his coat while Kokichi flopped face down on the couch. 

He hung his coat over the back of the couch, then sat in the little space remaining. He sighed, sinking into the cushions. 

When Kokichi didn't move for a while, he asked, "Did you have fun?" 

"Mmmf," he said. Shuichi nodded wisely.

"I went with Miu, and she abandoned me, like, ten minutes in," he spoke eventually, propping himself up on his elbows. "I didn't know anybody else there. It was a nightmare." 

Despite all appearances, Kokichi didn't do well in social situations. He didn't like spending a lot of time around strangers, didn't like the unintentional attention of a crowd. His image meant a lot to him. It made Shuichi feel warm that he knew these things, that Kokichi would choose to be honest with him. 

"You stayed pretty long, though," he said.

"Mmm, yeah. I can  _ do  _ it, it's just… so much energy. It's like performing at maximum volume for  _ hours.  _ I'm gonna put spiders in her shoes." 

"Iruma's?"

"She kept coming by with drinks and then she'd be gone too fast for me to go after her!" He whined. "And getting tipsy just made me  _ stupid."  _ He grimaced, probably remembering whatever 'stupid' stuff he did.

Shuichi hummed sympathetically. "Like how?" He prompted.

Kokichi's expression went completely blank. "Oh, you know," he said, looking away.

Shuichi's eyebrows furrowed. Kokichi wasn't honest about a lot of things, but it still bugged him when he closed off so obviously like that. "...Is everything okay?" He asked tentatively.

"It's fine. Just… some stuff you don't need to worry about." He picked idly at his nail polish. 

Shuichi went to push the issue, but went silent when he realized what a hypocrite it would make him. He sighed and turned away, sinking tiredly into the cushions.

"Ok," he said.

-

Kokichi was going to kill Miu. 

" _ Hold on!"  _ He hissed, but she was already gone, laughing so loudly it could probably be heard from anywhere in the building. Great. 

He grimaced at the drink she had handed to him. It was something toxic green poured into a martini glass, tiny straw included. It must've been an original creation.

She'd been trying out drink mixing lately, and he wasn't exactly thrilled to be on the wrong end of her creative whims.

The guy in front of him was still talking. How the fuck was he still talking? He paused for effect and Kokichi laughed what was probably the appropriate amount. He looked smugly satisfied.

This guy had cornered him the second he was alone to ramble about, like, Scott Fitzgerald or whatever pretentious shit he wanted to talk about. He had this air that screamed " _ aren't I charming?".  _

Kokichi would rather get hit by a bus, thanks. 

A girl with twintails bounced over and wrapped her arms around the guy from behind, briefly knocking him off balance. His expression brightened and they began to chatter, something like  _ omg, it's been forever!!  _

Great. Even this asshole has friends who will actually talk to him, and recognize him at parties. Kokichi was starting to feel pathetic, so he went ahead and tried Miu's drink.

Hm. That was a lot of sugar (not to mention the horribly artificial green apple flavoring) even for him, but he couldn't taste the alcohol, so, good enough. He took a larger sip.

"Hey, this is my friend Hinata-" shit. Fuck. They were doing the introducing each other thing. Kokichi snapped back to attention. 

"And this is-"

"Ouma Kokichi. Nice to meet you!" He chirped, shaking her offered hand. 

They were having a conversation now. Kokichi could do that. It wasn't even that bad now that he no longer had his undivided attention. It was- fine. 

Soon more people drifted over and- jesus. Okay, that was a lot of sounds all at once. 

His smile became a grimace as he tried to focus on what his conversational partner was saying while there was another conversation happening on his left about classical music, and then another on his right about lingerie. He grit his teeth so tightly he felt like they would crack. He could hear every word the people beside were saying- could hear the fucking fizz of their drinks, but every word the person  _ right in front of him _ said was muffled and confused, as though it was coming through a dense fog. 

He just- kept nodding, and sipping his drink, partly to take the edge off the sensory overload and partly so he had an excuse to be quiet. 

The girl he was talking to seemed nice, too. She was all sparkly lipgloss and bright, excited eyes. She was talking so passionately about something that she kept spilling her drink without noticing and man, was really into it but he. Could not. Fucking. Hear her. The pulsing lights were too bright for him to hear. 

He went to take another sip of his drink but was surprised to find it empty, with only a single bead of green liquid in the bottom of the glass.

"Excuse me for a minute," he said, leaving too quickly to see her reaction. 

He shuffled through the crowd. Every time someone bumped into him, it felt like an electric shock. It didn't help that everything was starting to blur together. He didn't even know where he was planning to go, just that he needed to be anywhere else. 

The kitchen. He'd tell Miu to take him home. 

He stumbled inside, blinking at the change in lighting. It was less crowded, but only barely. From what he could see, rhere were tons of people drinking, somebody raiding the fridge, a couple- ew- making out on the counters, which, why, but no Miu. He sighed before plunging into the crowd, hoping to find her more easily that way. 

It took a couple minutes, and he got shoved unfortunately close to the couple-  _ ew-  _ but sooner than he'd expected, he spotted Miu. A weight was instantly lifted from his shoulders. 

"Miu-" he began, stepping closer, but something stopped him. 

She was laughing, head thrown back, undeniably ecstatic. There was just something about the way her face was glowing, surrounded by a bunch of people Kokichi didn't know, paused with a shaker still in her hand, that gave him pause. 

God, he just couldn't, fucking, take her away from that. And if he was a little bit terrified of the people making his best friend happier than he was then it didn't make much difference. 

He left, leaving his glass on some random countertop. He'd just go back to the group from before.

As he stalked through the crowd, the first few soft guitar chords of a song began to play, and he froze.

It was one of those indie sad boys Shuichi liked to listen to. He sniffled.

Shit.  _ No, absolutely not,  _ he thought, aggressively blinking back tears, but it was too late. He felt a tear trail down his face and drip off his chin. Fuck. 

He wiped his face with his sleeve and ran up the stairs, stumbling past others in a blind panic. He couldn't let anybody see him. 

He found an open bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Shaking, he sat down on the edge of the shower, and curled tightly inward with a weak sob.

It hit him like a wave. He was just, sad, so fucking sad, and his best friend had abandoned him, and he was overwhelmed, and he'd had to talk to strangers and he  _ failed,  _ somehow, he was sure, he  _ failed  _ to just be a normal person at a party who could have  _ fun _ and  _ make friends  _ and didn't chase people off with his, his fuckton of issues. 

And he missed Shuichi. 

That was the most pathetic part, wasn't it? He was here, crying in the bathroom, because he heard a song that reminded him of his roommate and it was too much to handle. He saw Shuichi _every_ _day_. He saw Shuichi a _few hours ago,_ and he still missed him, and he wanted him to swoop in and save him so he didn't feel so fucking lonely. 

He pulled out his phone, mis-entering the password a few times before he shakily unlocked it. He hovered for a couple seconds over Shuichi's contact, not sure if it was the right thing to do. He thought of Miu, but the image of her standing in the kitchen only made him feel worse, so he finally texted Shuichi to pick him up.

He put his phone back in his jean pocket and wiped his eyes.

_ My mascara is super messed up now _ , he thought, and then _ Shuichi will never love me back. _ That made him cry even harder. 

At that moment, when he was more faucet than person, when he had reached the  _ peak _ of his pathetic-ness, the door opened. 

It was the guy who had cornered him earlier. He was frowning, but he didn't look surprised. Kokichi realized he probably heard him crying through the door. 

He focused all his energy on trying to stop crying. His breath stuttered and he rubbed his eyes furiously, but fresh tears always came. He was past the point of no return.

The other took a few steps forward and squatted so they were closer to eye level, but he still leaned over him. They were just inches apart. 

Without any warning, he reached over and held Kokichi's face, gently wiping a tear away with his thumb. Kokichi's breath caught. It was enough of a shock for him to fall completely silent. 

They stayed there for a moment. The other was staring at him with an unexpected intensity, and his face (too close) took up his entire vision. The sad indie boy music could be faintly heard through the door. His hand was still on his face.

In this light, Kokichi realized with a stuttering heart, his eyes were a soft, golden yellow. 

Kokichi lunged forward and kissed him.

-

The door shut silently, taking Shuichi's shocked expression with it. 

Kokichi broke away and sat up, still staring at where his roommate had just been. 

His partner made a whining noise. He paid him little mind.

"I have to go," he said, furrowing his brow.

Kokichi began to climb off of him but he gripped him tighter, resisting.

"Let go," he said, pushing off of him, struggling against his hold. The other complained- something about  _ just getting started _ , but Kokichi turned to look at him and glared. He dug his nails into his skin so hard he could have drawn blood.

" _ Let. Go."  _ He hissed. 

He dropped his arms and scrambled back, letting Kokichi free. Kokichi slid off the bed and walked to a nearby vanity. 

"Shit," he muttered. The tear streaks were obvious. He sighed and fished a concealer stick and mascara out of his pockets, leaning into the mirror to get a better look.

Once he had cleaned himself up, his frown only deepened. He was shockingly, horribly sober all of a sudden. He gripped the edge of the vanity, hands trembling. He wanted to vomit, and it wasn't because of the drink he'd had.

Wasn't that pathetic.  _ One  _ damn drink and he had fucked everything up. He was a clown. He was the fucking king of clowns. He could practically hear the circus music.  _ Come watch the dumbass have a breakdown and latch himself onto the closest person like some sort of desperate piece of shit.  _

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. He counted out his breaths. He was going to get a hold of himself.

Once he felt a little better, he turned around and saw the person sitting on the bed, resetting his progress completely. 

_ Fuck.  _ His skin crawled. He honestly thought he might throw up. He turned back around and walked stiffly to the door. He forced a blank expression onto his face and opened it. 

Shuichi was sitting on the ground against the wall. He only saw a brief flash of his face, but he almost looked like he had been crying. 

"Ready to go?" Shuichi asked. He nodded in return. 

The uncomfortable atmosphere only grew by the time they reached the car. 

-

He could tell Shuichi was intentionally avoiding his eyes. It felt like there was a block of lead in his stomach. 

He had this sickening feeling that Shuichi was disgusted with him, and it was personal.

It wasn't even- Shuichi was bisexual, Kokichi knew he'd been on dates with men before, it was just that he was disgusted with  _ Kokichi,  _ specifically. Disgusted enough that he didn't even want to be in the same car as him. It almost would have been better if he was just homophobic.

Maybe it was because he saw how pathetic he'd been. A desperate wreck. 

Maybe now that he knew how  _ weak  _ and  _ stupid  _ he could be, he didn't want to live with him anymore, didn't want someone like that around. He could have been planning how best to kick him out of the apartment at that very moment. 

His mind was spinning with possibilities, a thousand reasons Shuichi hated him. It was like a growing itch under his skin. 

He snapped back to reality, suddenly realizing he'd been staring silently at the glove box for who knows how long in a cataconic state.

The silence in the car was stretched thin, like a rubber band about to snap.

He glanced at Shuichi. His face was an odd mix of emotions, none of them good. 

Kokichi was so worried it looped back around into frustration.

"Y'know, it's  _ my  _ business if I want to make out with a random dude at a party," he said. 

-

Kokichi fell asleep first, but Shuichi followed close after. They stayed on the couch all night, talking quietly about nothing, avoiding the elephant in the room. They were too tired to talk about it anymore. Eventually, they just… fell asleep.

Shuichi woke up slowly, blinking dust out of his eyes. The sun hadn't been up for long, if he had to guess, but the light that came in through the window was still too bright for him to sleep. 

He noticed somewhat distantly that he had fallen asleep sitting up. He was still in his binder, too. He looked around, not yet lucid.

Kokichi was asleep next to him. He was curled up like a cat, his head resting on Shuichi's leg. 

Affection bloomed inside his chest, which made him kind of want to kill himself, because last night was still sharp in his mind. 

He was trying to think of a way to leave without waking Kokichi up so he could pretend it never happened when he heard a buzzing sound from the floor. 

He looked around for a moment. The source seemed to be under the couch. He reached underneath and felt around until he found it, pulling out Kokichi's phone.

The screen was lit up, flashing as notifications appeared. 

_ Dumb bitch <3: tell me next time before u up an leave on me u bitch _

_ Dumb bitch <3: srsly tho, did somethin happen _

_ Dumb bitch <3: somebody told me you went crying in the bathroom????? _

_ Dumb bitch <3: was it the cocktail _

_ Dumb bitch <3: shouldve known that shut was 2 powerful for human consumption _

Shuichi startled and slammed it face down onto the coffee table. He definitely wasn't supposed to see that.

Kokichi stirred next to him, then slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. They made eye contact, and he tilted his head in confusion, a suspicious frown on his face.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Shuichi felt his face heat up. 

"I, um." He looked away in embarrassment. The phone buzzed on the table.

Kokichi picked it up and stared at it wordlessly. His expression was unreadable. 

Shuichi cleared his throat after a couple moments had passed in silence. It seemed to snap Kokichi out of his stupor, before he tucked the phone into his jean pocket and looked away. 

Another pause.

" _ Did _ something happen?" Shuichi asked, hopefully gently.

Kokichi put his face in his hands and laughed. 

"I'm gonna have to kill her twice, now," he said. "Maybe something worse than that."

"That… wasn't really her fault, though. She was just checking on you," he said.

"I know."

"I didn't mean to read it," he said quietly.

A heavy sigh. "I know." He rubbed his temples as if he was developing a headache, then changed expressions in a snap.

"Hey," Kokichi said, looking up and smiling, "if I give you five dollars will you pretend you didn't see anything?"

Shuichi frowned. 

His smile tightened. "Twenty dollars?" He offered. 

Shuichi's frown deepened. 

They sat and stared at each other, neither willing to budge. 

"...Is it true?" Shuichi asked. 

Kokichi sighed and moved over to lean against the other armrest.

"I- it just, it all got to me," he ran a hand through his hair. "There were too many people and Miu was having a blast with her friends, and then-" he stopped. His face was red. He seemed to struggle with something, then covered his mouth and looked away. 

Shuichi went to put his hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it. "What happened next?" He asked.

"It's dumb. I don't want to talk about it."

"It's not dumb if it hurt you."

"It's really nothing, okay? The sensory overload was too much. That was it."

Shuichi sighed. He wanted to believe that it was nothing, but he could feel that he was hiding something. 

"I'm just worried about you," he said. Kokichi looked up. Shuichi moved a little so that his body was turned toward him. "If something horrible happened and I didn't help you I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I'm-" he sighed again, tensed and untensed his hands. "Do you get what I mean?" He asked, plaintive. 

He didn't feel able to express how deep those feelings really ran. He tried to toe the line, keep it within  _ normal friend _ territory, but the boundaries always blurred for him around Kokichi.

Kokichi's eyes widened. He worked his jaw uselessly, face reddening again. 

"It really was nothing," he muttered eventually. "Miu gave me a cocktail that was like, half alcohol, I got overwhelmed by the crowd, and then- one of those sad indie boy songs came on."

"Sad… indie boy songs?"

"Like the ones you listen to," he grumbled, looking away. 

"Oh." He still didn't really get it. "So that made you upset?"

"Sure, something like that," he said. He put his head on his hand and looked away. "It was a shitty party. That's why I texted you in the first place."

Shuichi wasn't a stranger to crying in the bathroom in inappropriate circumstances. He probably did it more than was healthy, honestly, but that was besides the point. Kokichi had had a moment, and now he was embarrassed about it. That was it.

But. 

"So you were in the bathroom when you texted me?"

"...Yeah?" He glanced back warily.

"But when I got there, you were… uh," he scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact. "Indisposed." Just thinking about it was enough to make him want to lie down in the ocean and succumb to the waves.

Kokichi brought his knees up to his chest. "Ugh, don't remind me. That asshole should have known better. If a drunk, crying stranger kisses you you should get them like, a glass of water or just back off entirely." He grimaced. "Not that I should have kissed him in the first place, fuck." He pressed his face into his knees and curled into himself a little tighter.

Given that graciously offered testimony, Shuichi could probably figure out the rest himself, but it still bugged him. 

"Why did you kiss him?" He asked suddenly, and immediately regretted it. Jesus. Just going right in and asking, huh.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't! I just- it doesn't make any sense to me," he reasoned. He felt his face quickly heating. "The whole time I've known you, you hide from other people when you're upset. You actively avoid it. I doesn't sound right to me that you of all people would decide to let a stranger get that- that close-"

"It was the eyes, okay?!" Kokichi shouted, jumping up. He was beginning to tear up. Shuichi froze. 

"He came into the bathroom, and I was sad and irrational and he had the same fucking color eyes as you, so-" 

His eyes widened and his mouth slammed shut as if he had only just realiz

"What?" Shuichi breathed.

Kokichi turned heel and began to walk to his room.

"No, wait, hold on-" he said, but he just picked up the pace.

Shuichi got up and ran to catch him. It was like some sort of dumb movie chase across their apartment.

He was halfway in the door when Shuichi grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

"What do you mean?" He said urgently, more out of breath than he probably should have been. "Why did you- why would that-" he trailed off. It felt like there was cotton in his throat. He could hear his heartbeat as loudly as if it were pounding directly in his ears.

"I-" Kokichi's voice caught in his throat. He made a frustrated sound. 

They stared at each other for a long time, as though magnetized. After the silence had stretched on for a while, Shuichi dropped his wrist and stepped back. 

"Sorry," he muttered. "I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have pushed you like that. I should've left it all alone. I don't know what I was looking for." He did. He totally did.

"It's 'cause it's familiar, right?" He fidgeted with the end of his sleeve, trying to focus. "You were in a situation with a lot of unknowns. It makes sense that you would have, sought comfort, in…  _ something _ that reminded you of what you knew. Even if it sounds weird out of context."

He took another step back, deliberately avoiding looking at him. His heart was still too loud.

"I-" he stuttered. He shut his eyes tightly. "It did- funny things to my heart when you said that." He put his hand on his chest, as if to soothe it. "You don't deserve the way I've been acting just because I'm-" he exhaled slowly. "I'll just go."

Before he could move, Kokichi ran into him with a thud, knocking the wind out of him.

"You're so fucking stupid," he mumbled into his shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around him. Shuichi made a strangled noise.

"That was practically a love confession and you still tried to worm your way out of it." Shuichi noticed from the way their chests were pushed together that Kokichi's heart was beating fast. "Hey," he said suddenly, looking up so that they could see each other's faces, "Why were you so upset on the drive home? Honestly."

Shuichi covered his mouth with a hand instinctively. He tried to avoid looking at him but he was  _ so close  _ it felt almost impossible, and he just kept  _ looking  _ at him-

"I- um, well, so- uh," he said uselessly. 

He waited for him to get frustrated and walk away, or for the moment to otherwise be broken, but Kokichi stayed, watching him with a neutral expression- probably having to hide his impatience for his sake. 

He had a little time.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to make himself feel a little less like his nervous system had been shocked with a taser. Once he had managed to put together an idea of what to say in his head, he tried to make eye contact again, but found that he couldn't, so he focused on some random spot above his eyes instead.

"I. Was upset, because… I thought it meant you didn't lo- _ like  _ me in the way, that I, um. Like you." 

Kokichi leaned up and kissed him.

A shiver passed through his body. Shuichi's brain made a sound like  _ hhhhhsjhwjja _ ? 

It was only a few seconds long. Then, they separated and he buried his face in Shuichi's chest, face red and hot to the touch. 

He made a frustrated clicking sound, and his grip tightened. 

If Shuichi hadn't been processing the complete spectrum of human emotion all at once, he would have asked if something was wrong, but by the time he thought to, Kokichi cut him off.

"I love you," he said.

Oh. Oh!

He carefully placed his hands underneath his chin so he could tilt his head back up to kiss him again.

He laughed into it despite himself. He pressed a kiss on either side of his face. Kokichi whined (embarrassment, annoyance, something like that) so he kissed him on the lips again, humming slightly.

After what could have been five minutes or half an hour of this- it was hard to tell- he pulled away suddenly. Kokichi chased after him but he held him back by his shoulders without much force.

"Wait," he said, brows knitting together, "how long have you been wearing your binder?"

Kokichi pouted, but when he didn't give in, he sighed and said, "Like, twenty hours."

Shuichi's eyebrows shot up. Kokichi rolled his eyes. "C'mon, I've had it on for longer than that," he said. 

"That's a bad thing," Shuichi insisted. "You know how that's bad, right?"

"Oh? Then how long have you been wearing yours?" He countered.

He paused. Shit. He pressed his face into his hands. "... Twenty-five," he responded quietly. "I forgot to take it off before I fell asleep," he said, unable to keep the whine out of his voice.

Kokichi started giggling uncontrollably.

"Shut up. Let's just go to our rooms and-" he paused, gears turning in his head. "Wait, should we start sharing a room now? And which room do we choose? What do we even do with the free room?" He mumbled.

Kokichi tugged on the front of his shirt. "Hey, stop thinking so hard and kiss me again."

Shuichi blinked, face taking on a pink shade, before he remembered himself and pushed him away without much effort. "Hey, quit distracting me and go change," he said.

-

An hour later, when they were both lying in Shuichi's bed (chosen because Kokichi's tended to be covered in random debris), wearing pajamas and having nowhere to be all day, Kokichi turned over and prodded him in the shoulder.

"Hey. Hey, Shumai, does this mean I can't make out with random guys at parties anymore?"

Whatever face he made in his half-conscious state made Kokichi laugh so hard tears came to his eyes.

"It's a joke, seriously, just a joke," he said, giggling the whole time. 

Shuichi pulled him closer and curled around him protectively. "You're the worst," he grumbled into his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually started this in November of last year, I spent my entire math period writing this instead of working. It's really uncommon for me to take that long to finish a one shot? Like I'm a slow writer but that's because I write in short bursts so when I write I write a lot. But nope this one was all over the place for some goddamn reason. There's actually a first draft where their conversation in the car goes a completely different route but it was basically a dead end for me, I couldn't figure out where to go from there.  
> And I wasn't gonna switch perspectives at all until I was already writing kokichi's pov like whoops  
> ALSO you might notice this if you read my other fics but I don't really like writing kissing scenes. Writing abt anime characters is a fine and noble pursuit but writing anime characters kissing is too far /s
> 
> Oh I AM half-asleep right now. If there are big obvious problems anywhere in this fic it's because I'm. Fucking tired sorry about the rambles I'm basically delirious
> 
> Thank u buh bye
> 
> WAIT SHIT gotta do the uhhh
> 
> Go to sleep. You should be asleep probably 
> 
> so please go to sleep OR drink water OR stretch OR eat an actual meal like whatever you need to do that you aren't because you are reading fanfiction instead. I see you. I am looking at you right now. Go to sleep


End file.
